You weren’t imagined yet, when I was in college and planning on escaping this state, this country. I wanted to expand my breadth, see the world. There’s much to see, but you don’t know that yet. I’ll show it to you, the places you can go, all the incredible experiences you can soak in. I’ll show you.
When you’re a baby the world looks so big, and can be so terrifying. There’s the sky and the moon, showing you something more than right in front of you, and only because those are the things you can see. But there’s continents and oceans and deserts and forests and mountains; caves to climb in and waterfalls to feel the weight of. There’s magic, just waiting to be unlocked. And I’ll show you.
Seek the Adventure.
There are adventures you cannot imagine, waiting for you with every decision, every movement. You just have to look and feel and see; and you have to yearn for it—you have to want more than the fields and trees you see everyday. There are people to be helped and goodness to bestow, not because you feel like it, but because you must. I’ll show you those things too.
Maybe this is too soon, you’ve only just started saying bananas but you aren’t sure if that means bubbles yet because a quick follow-up includes Pop Pop with such determination afterwards. To be fair I couldn’t say marbles until I was well into 3rd grade—I had a hard time with “r” sounds, which you’re already expressing well; that is to say you’re already better than I was; better than I could’ve been. The hope of any parent. But the point is, I have exceedingly high expectations of you, which includes high expectations of myself. I must be a better man than I have ever been, and you must be the little boy. You’ve got the easier task in some regards. But we’ve got some wiggle room to make mistakes along the way, my mistakes. I’ll show you all of them, here.
Forge Your Own…
It’s a scary endeavor, forging your own path. I’ve done it in some degrees in my life, but only inside the comfort of my zip code, the fucking DFW metroplex. I never moved away because I didn’t have the courage. There were things or people or money problems or concerns, which is just a cop-out for never having the strength to do it. I was always waiting on something or for somebody. I wasn’t self-contained, self-sufficient. I missed my opportunity to expand, and to use a cliche in the most horrible way, transcend. My anchor was dropped a very long time ago.
There’s this thing with being a parent: I kinda want to be around my kid. I want to see your face, I want to rock you to sleep when you’re sick. I want you to love me, but only because I am selfish as all parents are. We want something in return, and it’s simply love. But I want what you want; I’ll always be your biggest fan, in any arena you choose to compete. Just be the person that makes you full.
What are We Doing Here?
The reason I write to you is so you know, one day when you’re thinking about your dad, that I wasn’t always washed-up, soulless, money-hungry, or distracted. I’ve made the decisions in my life to be a better father for you, so you can become something I was never able to do on my own. I never left North Texas. I never branched out. I never really lived, right? Maybe you’ll see me that way, but just read, friend. My life resides here, just for you. Most importantly, I want you to be proud of me too. I want you to know that every decision I make in life is calculated and you’re the denominator. I’ll show you simple division too, but that’s what calculators are for in real life, despite what your teachers tell you in elementary school, they’ll show you.
Before the world gets too heavy, before you get your first monthly bill, and before you start to feel anchored, remember there is a moon and sky to remind you there is something more, someplace more. It could be Australia, but anywhere but here. Explore. Let the world succumb to your will, not the inverse. I’ll want to see your face and I’ll want to be by your side, but I cannot always be, and I won’t allow myself to hold you back. You’ve got a big adventure ahead of you kiddo; just live. Chase after the things that make you happy, love the people you love, help people, and be good. Most importantly, be fulfilled.
You can show me.