50% of Something Special

Starting Funky-Fresh

I applied for our new place today, fella. It’s not the greatest place, but it’s the greatest place I can afford at the moment. Things are going to get strange pretty soon, but I think you’re going to be too young to know it. That’s good, because nothing is changing, really, except for a blip on a map—two blips instead of one, to be more specific.

Next month your mother and I are getting our own places, trying to find the best living situation to make sure you have the best opportunity, you know? When I was looking for places this week, I spent a good deal of time trying to find some really great parks, and buddy, you’re in for a treat. The slides at this place are going to be killer. There are also liquor stores, an Aldi, and a Brazilian cafe (which looks legit, btw) close by. We’re going to have a good life over there, like two bros just hittin’ the streets.

It’s hard, too. I won’t be around all the time like I am now. I won’t get to sing to you every night before you go to bed, your song, you know the one. It hasn’t even happened yet and I’m starting to have a hard time with it.

oysters - itsuckstogrowup

A Counting Crows song is stuck in my head, but not all oysters have to have pearls. In fact, they would be quite less delicious.

I’m Always Going To Be Around

I talked to a co-worker yesterday and he told me about his parents. His dad, since before he can remember, lived out of state. “It was just normal, you know? That’s how things were. It was cool.” He said. But that’s not me and that’s not us and that’s not our family. Since the day you were born a contract was signed between the three of us, and it guaranteed your well-being at all costs, above our own even. That’s not to say we aren’t well or happy, because we are well and happy because of you. I’m not going anywhere, even though I’m going to be away some nights. I’ll just be down the street, always a few minutes away.

So I got this place, and your room is on the other side of the apartment. You’ve got your own bathroom and you better keep that shit clean, buddy. When you trim your beard, probably do the bulk of the work over the toilet—a solid reason to keep your toilet clean, too—so the hairs don’t get everywhere. Really though, you’re going to be able to have so many toys in your bathtub and they won’t be threatening my life all the time like they do now. Your room is actually bigger than mine, by 4 inches, but size doesn’t matter (it does). It’s tucked in the corner, away from the living room and my room so my hardcore gaming won’t impede your hardcore snoozing.

Every decision I make, buddy, is to make sure your life gets better. Your mother and I aren’t separating to make things more difficult for you, we’re separating to make things better for you. We’ve learned enough to know that happy parents make good parents. Your mom and I were happy together, but we’re going to be even better living separately. We’re always going to be a happy family, the three of us, but we’re going to just have a couple different places to explore, you know? We’ll get to spread our wings and grow as people and as parents. It’s going to be awesome, we’re going to be awesome, and you’re going to be awesome.

I’ve got a new gig lined up a little closer to home. It’s the same thing I do now, which really isn’t worth talking about. except to say I press buttons and make people want things. It’s a good career and I’m glad it’s going to provide for us to buy a motorcycle and a boat and a closet full of shotguns and matches, so many matches. Or we could invest in some piano lessons? Chicks dig piano players. My dad told me the same thing when I was young and I didn’t believe him. But I am telling you now, by way of your grandfather, that you should learn piano.

Making The Best Of Our Time


I was on the top of this mountain once. It was cold as fuck and the view reminded me why I hate heights.

We’ve got less than 6 weeks until we’re in our new digs. You aren’t old enough to help move, which is bullshit. We just have to carry all your heavy ass shit up stairs into the big room (only 4 inches, but size matters, if you recall) while you’re just chillin’ on your tricycle. But we’re going to make the best of the time we have left here, together, as a family. Your mother and I love you desperately, and we’re going to tickle fight with you, toss you around, play hide and seek, and sing to you every night, because we know it’s not going to be forever. Most really great things are, unfortunately, fleeting.

A new life begins soon, and it’s going to be great. We’re going to have a blast. Since we have modern technology, I can video chat with you every night before you go to bed, and I can sing to you too. We’re going to hit up the big slides, and you’re going to shit yourself when you see them. I mean, you already shit yourself anyway, but this is different.

I really want you to know that I see this moment for what it is. I’ve always been so forward thinking that I forget to see now, but this is different. I know how big this is, life-changing. It’s a brave new world, and you and I are going to beat the shit out of it. Sometimes, if we dwell too long we may be overcome with some darkness, and we might get scared. It’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay to be sad. But this is the new gig, buddy, and it’s going to be whatever we dream it to be. So let’s start dreaming.

Dat Piano, Tho’

I’m serious about the piano thing.


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