(Oh I Just Can’t) Wait to Be…

29 years ago I was your age. I walked into a brand new school with brand new kids and a brand new teacher to learn brand new things about life and everything. I remember the first day, feeling excited. I don’t remember much else except one quick moment standing in the hallway after lunch. The 5th graders walked by and I looked up to them, in every sense.

I remember thinking, “I can’t wait until I grow up. I can’t wait to be a 5th grader.”

5th grade has come and gone, 23 years ago now.

Every generation that has come before me has tried to tell the younger generation to not be in a hurry growing up; Enjoy your youth; No responsibilities; Freedom; Care-free. They never listen because they can’t listen. You want so desperately to have what I have and all I want is to have what you have. You have it all, kiddo. You have all the love I have and you get 30 more years to dwell in it. Life is Beautiful.

Life is Beautiful.

Slow the fuck down.

You’re starting kindergarten tomorrow, and I think everything on this website has displayed (in the longest possible way) that I am an emotional sort. I have had a lot of feels today, kiddo. I am proud and I am excited for you, but slow the fuck down.

It makes me think about my dad a lot, you know. I don’t really talk about him much because everyone else has their feelings to feel so I just let them feel them out loud. I generally keep mine for myself, but I feel the same, and uniquely sad, because everyone has their own… existence. I am trying my best though, kiddo. I am working on my body and eating healthy and exercising and thinking about the future. I know both our lives, ALL our lives, will be better the longer I am around to annoy the shit out of you. So I am aiming to do just that.

I am scared though, you know? I am more mortal than ever, and it’s taken 34 years to poke a hole in my impenetrable shield. I am taking on water, slowly but surely, and one day it will be enough to do the trick. I want to be strong like my dad was and say I am ready and I know where I am going and that everything is going to be okay. I’d like to be able to say that. The truth is, 70 more years with you and our family wouldn’t be enough. I can’t get enough. I love to live. I love to experience and to see and to feel and to eat and to breath and to cry and to sing and to get fucking pissed about a guy going straight in a turn lane at a red light. Life is beautiful.

The older you get the older I get. Life is slipping past us and no one is paying attention, you know? Everyone is short-sighted, focusing on what is next, not what is the future. We are building for tomorrow instead of building for next decade. We are teaching our kids to focus on the future and focus on now and focus on next week and focus and focus. Just slow the fuck down. Watch some TV and love the shit out of it. Eat a bowl full of noodles and don’t stress. Go for a run because it’s fun and not because you ate a bowl of noodles.

Life is like a real fast space ship. You hurry up to get out of the atmosphere, but then you coast. You slow-burn in the right direction, always in the right direction, making small adjustments to reach your destination. You don’t have to keep burning the boosters all the time, just point your nose in the right direction and you’re on the path.

Don’t be in a hurry to grow up (to be a parent, as you say), as every generation before me has said.






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