*For the record, relationships, despite what most people think, are not solely about sexy-times. Relationships are what every person experiences with anyone they interact with on a regular basis. Some of them personal, some professional, and some intimate. Every one of these archetypes have the opportunity to be or become relationshitty.
Big Shitties and Small Shitties, or Maybe No Shitties.
Relationships come in varying sizes and degrees of importance. The dude at Starbucks, for example, despite my best efforts will not be my friend or give me free coffee, but you have to be persistent. Some relationships come quickly and easily, but they still require maintenance and effort, because all relationships do. Not to say there aren’t good ones worth maintaining, of course, but you have to remember The Golden Rule section 1 article b: you’re number 1.
To articulate, which is indeed necessary, you are the only person stuck with you for all time. The day you start breathing to the day you stop, your best interests must be top of mind. As it seems, regrettably in some cases, you cannot be happy unless you are happy with yourself. The reason I am writing this to you is because I am certain that I am not happy with myself.
It’s not a dire situation, fella. I’m not unhappy or miserable or downtrodden. I’m just living life by the day, hanging out with nuggie-fresh (aptly named because you’re nugget and you’re fresh) and making adult decisions that will ultimately affect our lifestyles and well-being and total happiness. It’s not as heavy as I make it out, but it’s something worth considering.
The Relationship Fast-Break
So where to begin? Let’s discuss the relationships worth maintaining: the ones that don’t make you miserable. It’s a reasonable place to begin, but it’s not as clear-cut as you may expect. There are so many ways to make people miserable. (ref: “relationships,” any dictionary) But you have to be the judge, ultimately. At some point you need to gain a little perspective, step outside yourself and challenge it. Ask, simply, how does this relationship impact me? It could very well be that you have a relationship with someone that is completely one-sided that brings you nothing but torment and despair, but—there’s always a but, fella—you might be the person, to them, that is keeping their world afloat. You might be needed, and that’s not something to shun. You cannot expect for all personal relationships to benefit you. Sometimes you must benefit them.
It’s sometimes referenced as “being needed.” Given the nature of these relationships it very well may be true, but in many cases, as you’ll experience, you are not
needed as much as you are commonplace. You’re a placeholder, a “this will do for now.” That’s the perspective you have to toil over. If you’re constantly giving and only experiencing misery, you have to evaluate this relationship often. It could come a time when a reckoning is at hand, but only you can make that distinction.
Sometimes It’s Easy, or Not.
Friendships and relationships are never this dire. There’s not always a bad and a good, sometimes it’s easy and it’s just good. I can think of many situations where that is the case for me. I’ve had a lifetime, in just my 31 years, of fantastic relationships with people. Sometimes they whither, sometimes the disappear, and sometimes we let them slip away, but that happens. The point is, don’t let the best ones slip away. And sometimes, let the really bad ones slip away.
You’ll have to be the judge, little man, but don’t be rash and also don’t be cold. Just be yourself and love yourself while you’re at it.