This will be one of many, no doubt, as you’ll one day come to understand, this is something of an “issue” for me to say the least.
We have a long time still, before we have to get too serious about touchy subjects such as this, so I’ll keep it relatively surface level for the time being. You’ll experience many issues or opportunities throughout your life, some that challenge, some that inspire; some will devastate you, but others will create you. Almost exclusively, these issues or opportunities will have boobs.
I started out, when I was a young sproutling much like yourself, and I was very “tender,” which was the nice way to describe vulnerable. I wasn’t at fault, and being vulnerable isn’t a fault, naturally. But life doesn’t take your feelings into considerations when it blasts your levies with high tides—or in my case droughts, depending on the year, weather permitting.
Your grandparents taught me at a young age that women needed to be respected, cared for, nurtured. It’s true, but not exclusively. All people need these things,
Self-worth, get it?
you especially. I wasn’t really taught self-worth, mainly as an oversight. You just kinda assume your kid is doing okay, unless stated otherwise. Fortunately at your age (coming up on two now) you pretty much let us know if something isn’t to your liking—the temper-tantrum is the newest addition to the arsenal. As you get older you’ll get more complex, which will be more of a challenge for us.
So you’re going to meet some girls, many of which you’ll like if you’re anything like I was when I was a kiddo. I yearned for the attention of the opposite sex, but as I grow older, I realize I was just yearning for attention from anyone; not quite as highly-regarded as those with boobs, however. Girls were a central theme to my life for a very long time—come to think of it they still are, so I should probably drop the past-tense. Girls are a central theme to my life.
Let me be quick to qualify that last sentence by saying there is a big difference between now and then, mainly me. When I went back to college when I was around 24, I didn’t think too highly of myself and I searched for confirmation from others, boobs, to attribute the much-needed affirmation I require(d). I didn’t have self-worth. I couldn’t understand who I was and how I mattered or influenced others or made a difference or meant something. It took college, and heartache, to grow past the misconception, and I hope you don’t have to experience the same to discover yourself.
There have been many iterations of The One throughout my life, starting as early as 2nd grade and continuing to present day. I could make a list, but I doubt that would do either one of us any good. They were all very different, but I was still very the same, which was the underlying issue. I had yet to discover that I had value—current ailments not included here for brevity, despite. I had a very singular experience, a conversation that turned my life around. I said “I’m just going to be an asshole.” The intent was correct, but the application was correct; I wanted to focus on myself for once.
So I did. I stopped being selfless. I stopped trying to look out for the needs of others over myself. I stopped placing higher value on others over myself. I became self-contained. I stopped requiring the admiration of those that didn’t matter to feel good about myself. I entrenched, studied, nurtured the good relationships in my life, respected myself, I really became me. Inadvertently, while being self-contained, I attracted a lot of attention, mainly those with boobs. I learned a really fucking valuable lesson during those years: respect yourself and other people will be drawn to that sort of self-containment, that specialty, that uniqueness of really being someone.
I really was an asshole sometimes, a deplorable asshole. Many of my biggest regrets came during this time of self-discovery. I was trying to find my place, discover myself, but I lost sight of something incredibly important: you can take care of yourself without hurting other people. I sometimes hurt people. Some in particular that I’ll never be able to make amends. I don’t deserve it, to be honest. So as you’re living your life, remember that other people are living their lives
Imagine the target is a boob. I did.
too, and if you’ve become the villain in their plot-line, then you’ve failed. I am the villain in some stories and I truly regret that; so much for trying to change the world, right?
You can swing between two points, conceitedness and uselessness, I suppose. The real challenge is finding that sweet spot where you can respect yourself and
those around you. You can be yourself and allow others to be themselves as well, without ridicule. The problem is, you’ll never really know how close you are until you look back. It’s like playing as a sniper on Team Fortress on a 56k modem. (take some time and do a quick internet search for both of those things to get the reference) You’ll never know if you hit the mark until you fire. Then it’s too late to adjust. You’re constantly evaluating yourself by the past and trying to make decisions, using faulty logic, for the future.
So I guess the point is you can’t truly expect someone to appreciate and love you if you don’t appreciate and love yourself. So let’s start there.