They say all is fair in love and war, which was originally coined, in a way, by Miguel de Cervantes in Don Quixote: “Love and war are all one…” The phrase was repeated numerous times in numerous ways throughout the years, although I’m partial to Ben Folds’ rendition in Fair. Hence the title of this here blog, fella.
I can’t hit the bulls-eye for shit. On a dart board or otherwise.
I Mean, Don’t Be a Dick Either…
It’s true: all is fair in love and war. But you have to read between the lines, of course. War has ramifications. War destroys and leaves a wake of raised structures, burnt fields, and inevitable oppression, an authoritarian of the body or the mind. But with love, all those things are hard to see when you’re in it. We can reference another great mind: “To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction,” wrote Newton in his Third Law. That is to say, all is fair in love and war, with regard to its equal and opposite reaction.
People are not solely chess pieces, son. One day you may learn to treat them that way, as I have in my life. But there will come a time when a reckoning is upon you. I won’t be the one to tell you if it was worth it or not, because you’re the final judge. You may be 31 and getting drunk on whiskey by yourself on a Thursday night, writing a blog about the way things turned out. Maybe it’s too soon to reminisce, but as you grow older the years get shorter and the regrets grow larger.
And the Glasses Were Left Unfilled, Their Thirst Unquenched. Or Something.
It’s not a Dark and Stormy Night just yet, Holden. I’ve got a long road ahead of me too, full of decisions. But if perspective has bought me anything thus far, nothing in fair, in love or otherwise. My parents would say to me when I was young and full of piss and vinegar: “Life Isn’t Fair.” They weren’t wrong, but that’s some heavy shit to lay on a kid who just wanted some chocolate donuts for dinner—in retrospect that’s unhealthy as fuck, but #yolo.
I read once that men fall in love on average 3-4 times in their lives, women 5-6 times. That’s probably a crap statistic, most of them are. I’ve never been much for heeding advice or thinking things
I was drunk last night when I wrote this blog, and I downloaded this image for some loose reference, but my artistic “obscurity” has eluded even myself. Mrs. Clause? I have no idea.
through clearly, so I’ve been in dozens of times. That might beg the question, “what, exactly, is love anyway, dad?” The truth is, I’m not quite sure. I’ve had some pretty good relationships and some pretty bad ones, but they’ve all been great for their own reasons, and I’ve never been ashamed to admit that I loved all of them. Love changes based on the person, I think, but then again I’m not the foremost authority on the subject. I haven’t been able to convince one of them that I’m the bee’s knees yet, so I suppose that’s something worth considering.
A Series of Near Mrs.
I’ve been divorced once, a long time ago. I also was very close to marrying your mother before I made a mess of that. There have been others, without a doubt, that I would have made the rash decision of hopping into a vow with, but fortunately, I made a premature mess of those too—A Series… If all was fair in love and war, perhaps, in the same regards, maybe my mess was actually the right decision? Don’t give that thought too much weight, I’m just a guy fumbling through life after all. But I am your dad, so the “do as I say” thing still applies.
Maybe everything I write doesn’t have to have a lesson attached to it. But if this had one it would be: don’t be afraid of being in love, and don’t be afraid of making mistakes; but be content with doing both.
He shouted out his last word
And he stumbled through
the yard
And she shattered her last
china plate
And spun off in the car
When he lunged onto the hood
She stopped to tell him she’d
been wrong
HE was thrown head over heels
Into the traffic coming on
But then
All is fair in love…
-Ben Folds Five